Originally from Chesterland, Ohio, a conservative town twenty miles east of Cleveland, I was raised Catholic, and as often happens in a family of these beliefs, my parents had a difficult time dealing with my sexuality. As luck would have it, my two older brothers are also gay, so the typical emotions that come with having a gay son were in fact tripled, and all the more trying.
I made the decision to come
out the summer before entering high school. When I told my mom, her
response was, “You need to fight this!” as if the feelings I had, and
homosexuality itself, were a disease. At the time, she had no idea what
being gay truly meant, and to her defense, I don't blame her, since I
didn’t really know either. My mom was brought up in a strict Italian
Catholic family, where homosexuality was never a topic of conversation.
In fact, until 1973 the DSM referred to homosexuality as a mental
illness. So, I figured that her opposing beliefs were influenced by
generational differences. Fortunately, my dad is a bit more liberal, and
has a great sense of humor. In which case he seemed to be more
understanding. I believe he knew and had already accepted it, even
before I did.One would fathom that the support from two older brothers would be conducive to an easier adjustment through my teenage years. However, at a mere fifteen years of age, I was the first brother to disclose this information to my parents. My oldest brother moved out of the house after high school, and came out shortly after. As a benefit, he was spared the need for any in-depth conversations about it with my parents. My other brother, contrary to stereotypical beliefs, devoted his time in high school to football, wrestling, and a steady relationship with his girlfriend. Later on he left for college, and as the high school pressures of conformity began to dissipate, he realized that he no longer needed to keep a secret.
Throughout high school, I withstood many hardships that tested my resiliency and strength. I presume many high school students experience this, but I believe that when you are gay, it is escalated beyond what most teenagers experience. I was a “momma’s boy” as a child, and I depended on that type of relationship, even after it was no longer cool. After coming out, there were times when my mom and I would go days without talking to each other. Both being stubborn Italians, the silences grew and if we did talk, it would end in a tumultuous debate about our conflicting beliefs.
Around the same time, some very serious health issues came up. I started having sharp pains in my back, and then I noticed blood in my urine. Medical examinations led doctors to believe that a tumor had developed in my left kidney. So at sixteen, I went under the knife, hence the scar across my stomach. It was an 8-hour surgery and a near-death experience. But at the time, the whole gay issue was put on the back burner. I was in recovery at the hospital for seven days and my mom stayed by my bedside the whole time, day and night. I‘ll never forget that.
Luckily, after the surgery, the doctors determined that it was a benign tumor, and I have been in good health ever since. This experience did prove to be somewhat advantageous, in the sense that it mended the combative relationship between my mom and I. I became more appreciative of family and friends. I felt compelled to empathize, listen, and share amongst others, in response to how fortunate I was to get a second chance.
In the midst of all this, I managed to maintain academic success in high school, and I took responsibility in forming our school’s first GSA (Gay Straight Alliance Student Organization). I planned and lead after-school meetings, once a week, for LGBTQ students and allies. Prior to the first meeting, I remember being under a lot of pressure. Groups of oppositional students threatened to cause a riot. This caused the other leaders of the GSA to back out, and so, the position of leader fell into my hands. Luckily, the hostility expressed by the students gradually began to subside, and the GSA proceeded to accrue in popularity and support from students, faculty, and parents. The GSA meetings served as a safe place for LGBTQ and allies to socialize, as well as advocate for safety and equality in school. Predominantly, my interest in helping youth succeed in school began as a result of this experience.
After graduating high school, I went on to attend college at Kent State University, where I obtained a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology. I embraced my new freedom and independence, but quickly learned that with college came the enormous expense. As a full-time student, time management was particularly difficult as well. Over the weekends, I began dancing at various clubs/bars around Cleveland and Akron, in order to make ends meet.
Personally, I tend to be more of a dork. I come off as socially awkward and introverted at times. I am sometimes a little shy. But as a dancer, I was coerced into becoming more socially extraverted. It was more effective in getting the audience to attend to me. I became a very confident exhibitionist who enjoyed soaking up the spotlight, while being the center of attention. I found that dancing was very similar to certain aspects of theatre and acting. The performance involved the ability to express sexuality and desire through physical form and movement, and it is quite therapeutic as well. As a result to this newly found confidence in myself, I became more competent in my social interactions with people in other settings.
After graduating college, I decided that before I committed to graduate school, I wanted to gain work experience in the field of psychology, particularly in work that involved children with special needs. Additionally, I deemed it imperative to escape the confinements of a mundane rural life in Ohio. So, through subliminal planning, I gathered some things, packed up my car, and drove to New York City. I had imagined it would be challenging to adjust to the Big Apple, but after staying there for just a week, I determined that it wasn't the right fit for me. In fact, most of my time in NYC consisted of viewing excessively-priced, cockroach infested studios, feeling pressed for time even when I had no obligation to be anywhere, downing countless cups of Starbucks coffee in order to feel adequate, and almost losing my vegetarianism to a foreign street vendor. If I were to live there, I know I would be compelled to conform to the New Yorker’s busy, fast-paced mentality. Consequently, this compelled me to give up and drive back to Ohio.
My spirits were down after the NYC fiasco, but I immediately started forming an alternative plan. I stayed home, in Ohio, for only a few days before I built up enough courage to hit the road again, this time heading toward Chicago. I arrived at night, and as I drove down Lakeshore for the first time, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy. Similar to that feeling you get as a kid, upon arriving up to an amusement park. The view of the city juxtaposing the lakefront had me in complete awe. At one point, I remember swerving in and out of lanes, as my attention shifted toward the skyline. I drove past a few late night joggers on the Lake Shore path, and hoped that that would be me someday soon.
It was my second night in Chicago, and my first time in Boystown. Anxious to see what it was like, I walked down North Halsted like a wide-eyed kid in a candy store. I went into Spin and was offered a job as a bar back. The next day I was interviewed for a position as a teaching assistant, at a private school for children with autism. I was hired on the spot, and I began training that day. I didn't know whether it was destiny or just beginner's luck, but everything seemed to fall into place.
On the weekends, I began working for a dance company that handled the bookings for me at different bars and clubs around Chicago, such as C.ockTail, @tmosphere, Hunter’s and Club Krave. This past summer, I signed up for a model search competition to become the next Bud Boy, and I won by receiving the most online votes. As a result, I was paid to appear at different venues and promote Budweiser products. The prize for winning consisted of a free all-inclusive trip for two at a resort in Cancun, Mexico. So, during the the first week in December I treated my mom to three relaxing days of bottomless margaritas on the beach, and many mother-son bonding moments.
I love living near Boystown. It’s great to have access to a neighborhood of bars, restaurants, and shops where I feel free to be myself. The first time my parents came to visit, I took them out to dinner at Kit Kat Lounge. They ended up loving the food and entertainment. Over dinner my mom said, “I wanted to tell the drag queen she smelled really good, but she was too busy singing.” I absolutely adore my mom, and it’s amazing to see how far she has come over the years. I realize that you can’t force your parents to change their beliefs, but they must learn through their own experiences and you can help guide them along the way. I am fortunate that my relationship with both of my parents continues to grow stronger. They have even accepted the fact that I dance, and they are totally fine with it, which is pretty awesome.
It has been over a year since I arrived here, and I am so glad that I did. This past year has been an amazing experience, especially with my job as a teacher's assistant at a school for children with autism. I considered it to be more fun than it was a job, and it reinforced my passion to want to work with special needs children in school. I have finally found my niche. Recently, I started graduate school to become a School Psychologist and make a career out of helping youth succeed academically. Living here has provided many opportunities for me. And I look forward to putting in my time here so that I can one day call Chicago my home.
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